To fully realize the benefits of the 9th Step Promises, dedication, modesty, and readiness to atone for previous misdeeds. This process is not only self-beneficial, but also aids in mending others around us. Under the guidance of these step promises, we find ourselves equipped to attain inner peace, enhanced well-being, and intentional living. Allow these assurances to motivate your continued pursuit towards healing with confidence and resolute willpower. Ongoing lifestyle adjustments and a dedication to steering clear of previous harmful actions are at the heart of living amends. This path toward continual improvement underscores the need for patience and receptiveness, showcasing how making beneficial life decisions consistently is crucial.
Making Amends: A Path to Fulfilling the 9th Step Promises
- As Founder and Executive Director of the 501(c)3 nonprofit, Recovered On Purpose, and Managing Partner of Behavioral Health Partners, Adam has helped thousands find freedom from addiction all over the world.
- The first being the alcoholics in my life, I had a part in their disease and didn’t know what I had done to them.
- In fact we usually discover that what we first thought was the obvious method of making amends, might not be right after all.
- But when I worked this step with my sponsor I realized that I had several issues that I didn’t even realize I needed to make amends about.
• Where we have been married to someone it can be good idea to approach or write a letter even if they are now married, though counsel should be sought before doing such a thing. This is true particularly in cases where they have custody of children and we are excluded access. We should outline that in addition we would like to make an amends to our children, but will not interfere in anyway and the decision as to whether we get the chance is down to them. We assure them that we will not make any further effort at contact unless we hear from them first. Sometimes no response comes, sometimes it comes, but after several months. It is important that we remember that the purpose of the two points so far is to explain the reason for our approach.
Making Amends in Addiction Recovery
There is no denying that taking step nine takes tremendous courage. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt.
Step Nine Spiritual Principles: Always A Good Day For Humble Pie
As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. I remember when I was going through my ninth step amends and began feeling the promises in my life almost immediately after beginning. There were a few I was a bit afraid to make, but after getting some of the easier ones out of the way, I lost the fear of facing people for the things I had done in the past I was unable to change.
STEP 9: HOW IT WORKS
It seems to sum up the relief from guilt and shame, the lessening of our obsession with “self”, and the increased ability to appreciate what’s really going on all around us. We may even start to think of our past as a gold mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret. We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day. And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps. When we do this this we gain a new perspective and the promises of the Ninth Step come true in our lives. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.
Careers – Join Our Team
- They don’t see the day to day changes that we have made in our lives and they assume that we are the same as when we made our last major mistake.
- Resolution as recovering addicts, means we likely have past experiences that plague us or disturb us in some way.
- Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction.
- We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.
- If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs.
When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active living amends addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care.
Step Nine
These should be put off until everyone involved is in agreement, and then, only after talking to someone to make sure that you are not overlooking anything. The information in the 12×12 is a lot more direct about the different approaches we could take and tries to encourage us to exercise caution before we rush in and make some major blunders. Book Jason for speaking engagements, events or appearances and let him bring the message of recovery & hope. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
Realization of God’s Role
- Finding a resolution to these problems means coming up with answers and solutions and laying them to rest.
- Step 9 also allows one to practice the processes of self-reflection, accountability and making amends, all key components the next step, Step 10.
- There were a few I was a bit afraid to make, but after getting some of the easier ones out of the way, I lost the fear of facing people for the things I had done in the past I was unable to change.
- In order for me fully to get over my problem, the Alcoholics Anonymous program of recovery requires me thoroughly to search my past,to make amends for all harms committed and repay all my debts.
For example, social-security defrauding might not be repaid to the government, but the money should be calculated and given to someone. • If the person we have harmed has died, we do the Eighth Step in the same way and make an amends by saying a prayer. • We don’t approach old girlfriends or boyfriends unless we are sure they are still single. Our arrival could cause embarrassment and difficulties to current relationships. Even then, it is often wise to be cautious about making an approach. It is often a good idea to use our own words to get the message across.
- Because, based on experience, many recovering individuals have relapsed when they allowed their fears to keep them from doing Step Nine.
- By proactively and “promptly” admitting wrongs, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a lapse in unhealthy behaviors or a return to use.
- I hope these ideas will help you to understand, that most amends can be made in a positive way and the results are so much better than we ever could have expected.
- Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery.
- It is equally important that you genuinely stop and listen to the other person.
- It takes strength and courage to own up to our mistakes, and when necessary, make restitutions.
Key Takeaways For Ninth Step Promises
If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. For example, if we hurt people with our lying and we cannot make amends without further injuring them, we would make living amends by making a decision to behave and communicate with complete honesty.
For this reason it was suggested to us that if at all possible we speak to someone, ideally our sponsors, before approaching anyone we have harmed. Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________. I recognize that you may not trust my intentions or my ability to change today and I do not blame you, but my hope is that over time the changes in my behavior will demonstrate my commitment to recovery.